One More Time Around the Mountain

Here’s to starting a new life.  Cheers.  Only I conveniently forgot that starting a new life is like……well……starting a new life.

The last time I did this I had the illusion at least of some sort of community.  We had moved out from California to Colorado to help start a church.  So we THOUGHT we were doing this with a base group of people and we would add to the community as we built a life in Colorado.

I was painfully wrong.  That is what I get for thinking.  It didn’t take long for the lack of community to become very apparent for a young family who was going through a difficult time.

But this time, in moving from Colorado to Las Vegas I knew I would be starting over.  But it is kind of like 20 years between having kids.  You knew it was hard…………..but crap.

I would love to say that my experiences with churches the last few years has left me filled with the excitement of finding yet another body of dysfunctional, unhealthy people all in one place ( church ).  YES?………UM no……..

Whether I believe in a completely sovereign God who master minds every single step I take, or I believe in a God who is totally hands off and lets me repeatedly fall in the mud, or some God in the middle of those two extremes I have to say that picking healthy churches is not exactly my thing.

Especially the last one.  But even so, in the healthiest of churches with the most pure hearted, well intentioned ministry folk, someone’s going to end up crying.

A church that brings health and vitality to one family, is often the same church that brings another family to ruin.  How does that compute?  I couldn’t tell you.

I just know I am not excited to find a church and figure out what this church will bring my family.  I know I will do my best not to bring my junk to church and hurt others.  I want to do my best to bring my best to a church body and bring things that will encourage others.

I don’t want to go to church.  I don’t want to “get involved” , I don’t want to commit to a body of people most of which I will let down and they will let me down.  I don’t want to deal with legalism and sloppy grace.

I want to know people who love Jesus, who love others the best they can.  I want to know people who will laugh and cry, celebrate and grieve, give and take with me in my life, in their lives.  I want to know people who actually want to do life with each other, for each other.

I want to know people who will not divorce me because I drink beer…….or tequila…..  Or count me out of ministry because I happen to cuss.  I want to know people who have grace for the hurting while still holding a beautiful standard before the Lord.  I want to be that person for others.

That just does not sound like any church I have ever heard of.

But, I don’t feel like it is time to stop looking.  I just don’t want to.  And being I am one of the most messed up Christian I know, I am not feeling particularly led to start my own church.  Besides, depending on who’s doctrine you believe starting my own church would make me kind of like the anti Christ, me being a woman and all.

So here we go again.  One more time around the mountain .