still waiting….

I keep waiting.  Waiting for some big emotional moment when I notice I don’t live in Colorado anymore.  Waiting to feel emotional and homesick.  Waiting. Waiting. Waiting…..

When I moved from California to Colorado I didn’t have to wait long.  We crossed the border into Colorado and I started crying.  I didn’t stop for two years.  After that the crying and the missing and the homesick came in sporadic bursts.  I could usually make it most of the summer without hating Colorado.  But come midfall when I knew winter and darkness and cold were quickly approaching the crying would start again.

I am a cry baby.

I could sit here and list all the reasons why I did not want to stay in Colorado.  I could write about how horribly different things were than I had expected…..I could……but really, if I am being honest, I just don’t like it there.  It is not home.

It is beautiful and safe.  It has an amazing sky.  It has everything ( except a hot sandy beach ).  Colorado is a wonderful place and it was not home.  I hated it.

By any stretch of the imagination Nevada is a much uglier state.  There is not a whole lot going on here if you are not into a desert landscape.  It is hot, dirty, in some areas stinky and crime is high.  And there are almost NO BEER places……

You would think I would be homesick for Colorado, or even still California.

I am not.

I am for the first time in 20 years at peace with where I am geographically.  I would even say I am happy.  And dare I say I kind of like the desert?  Maybe not all of it….but you know, it’s kind of cool.

Every day I can go outside and breathe, without my lungs freezing.  Every day  ( so far ) I can run to the store without a coat and not come back with frostbite.  Every day.

I breathe a deep sigh of relief every time I go out and there are leaves on the trees.  I cackle with joy at the thought of no snow and freezing drizzle.

I thought I had grown to love Colorado …….. I do have a deep appreciation for it but it’s kind of like loving a painting in the museum.  You love to go see it but you don’t necessarily want to own it.

I thought this move would be harder.  I thought I would get homesick more.  I was for the first couple of months, but after that?  not so much.

I am where I belong.  With my family in a state with no snow.  WOW, just WOW.

I am so grateful that for once finding gratitude in my circumstance is easy.  It really doesn’t take much for me to remind myself that God is good, that His gifts are good, that the life He gives me is a blessing.

I struggled to keep gratitude in my heart for that entire 20 years.  I know it sounds stupid, but if I am being honest, for me, it was a hard place to live and to practice gratitude.

There I made myself acknowledge beauty.  I forced myself to speak gratitude to the Lord for his creation.  I even tried to learn to find beauty in the cold and snow ( that was a much bigger stretch ).

Here?  I don’t think about it.  I go out and the warm sun touches me and I am immediately grateful.  I hop 4 minutes over to see my daughter and grand-babies and I am grateful.  I see green trees and I have peace.

I think I have been  waiting for something that is just not going to come, and I am grateful that it won’t.

I won’t lie and say that life has been easy since we have moved here.  It is still real life after all, and as the saying goes  DOO-DOO OCCURS, and it has, and it will continue too.  It’s life.

Next spring when the snow is done my hubby and I will go and visit the beautiful state of Colorado.  We will see friends and go to beer places galore. We will sight see the places we like best and ooh and ahh over the sunset that only Colorado can do .  I will remember the things I liked and miss about Colorado. and then gratefully we will return to Nevada with a big fat smile on our faces.

Done waiting.