So last night I did one of those little things on the internet that said “8 ways you can tell your husband is still madly in love with you”.
I read through each statement thoughtfully and mentally checked off which ones proved my husband was still madly in love with me.
To my growing horror he only scored 1 out of 8……………………………….OHMYGODISHENOTINLOVEWITHMEANYMORE???!!!
So then, I read them out loud to my hubby, he of course just looked at me and wisely said nothing . By the time we got to the 5th statement we were 0 for 4 and things were looking pretty dismal. Then came the statement “he still surprises you”…..He got this little boy twinkle in his eye, and trust me you just don’t want to know what he surprised me with next…..
Here’s the thing, if I compared my marriage to so many marriages out there we would look like a complete flop. If I compared it to things I had read in a book, whether fiction or non-fiction I would wonder why we were still married. If I compared it to the standard upheld in society I could possibly think “what the hell am I doing here?”
Which is why I gave up the testing of my marriage against other things long ago. First of all the only standard I need for a good marriage is a biblical standard. That is a standard that requires that both parties love and serve each other not just based on our love for each other, but on God’s love for ourselves and our spouses.
Just like the rest of the world marriage comes in all shapes and sizes. I had a friend who’s husband wrote her love letters. That is just the kind of guy he was. Laura loved them. I on the other hand might look at my husband a little wonky if he was that romantic with me.
We would probably fail every marriage test out there simply because we are not trying to fit the mold the world tells us is the right mold for our marriage. We are trying to fit the mold that God created in us.
My husband comes home from work every. single. day . to me. He doesn’t ask to go out with the boys because he would rather spend the time being us. He also is very sensitive to a deep insecurity I have had in that area. He wasn’t bound by it, he just cared enough that it was a difficulty for me that he never pressed it.
When he goes on a trip for work he doesn’t let his trip get extended if he can help it. In fact he tries to get an earlier flight….so he can come home and we can be us.
HE BOUGHT ME A STARBUCKS MUG FOR CHRISTMAS!! because he knows that they are kind of an obsession.
Most mornings he makes the coffee and lots of mornings he brings it to me.
I can go on and on about things like this, it would cover pages. But I think I have made my point. Every marriage has it’s own flavor, has it’s own architecture and it’s own dna. Don’t try to make your marriage over into any pre-conceived notion of what it should look like.
After over 28 years of marriage I can say that although we are very far from perfect, we still have a great marriage. We have our great marriage, not anyone else’s, ours. After all this time we really are still madly in love with each . Our madly in love just happens to look a little different than the marriage test.
Here’s to failing another marriage test!