Happy Birthday….The Day Joy Came In….

Today is one of those days.  The days when my childhood rises up and the feelings it evokes threaten to overwhelm me.  It’s the kind of day where I fight to receive and maintain peace in my head and in my heart.  The kind of day when you know you can’t remember your childhood for a reason but you can always remember the feelings.  They never really go away, just most days I can shove them aside better.

But, not today.

But grace….

I was trying to explain to my husband what was going on and as the tears started he tenderly reached over and hugged me and told me he loved me…..

A little later I was reflecting on my life and when things started to get better in my teen years and I realized that the day Chris came into my life joy came in.  It is as if in my heart and mind he walked in and drew a big fat line and on one side was my past and on the other my future.  He saw my past and said, let’s head for the future together.  Most good men were scared away by who I was back then.  But not Chris, he didn’t blink an eye at the fact that I had slept around ALOT, had an abortion and a daughter whose father I was not married to.  There is so much more that I am not putting down here but trust me when I say unsavory.

But in he came and he made me laugh.  OFTEN.  He stuck with me through all of the guck and the mess.  He stayed with me in my craziest of crazy years and he never let go.  He never said that I was too much for him.  He just quietly put up with my shit and loved me anyway.

I have the life I never dreamed of when I was growing up.  I have the house and the kids who love me and the grandbabies that make my world go round.

I have joy and I know that God used Chris to bring that into my life.  and I am grateful.

He is not perfect and I am not perfect and our marriage is so far from perfect.  We both still have plenty of crap and baggage that sometimes gets in the way.  But overall we are perfect for each other.  He is perfect for me.

So tomorrow is his birthday and I find myself once again so grateful that God brought this man into my life and with him he brought joy.

I am happy he was born.

Happy Birthday babe, I love you, thanks for bringing joy with you when you came.